


middles

by 1000_directions



Category: Endings Beginnings (2019)
Genre: Introspection, Oral Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-19
Updated: 2020-04-19
Packaged: 2021-03-01 20:27:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 892
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23743036
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/1000_directions/pseuds/1000_directions
Summary: I love you, so many girls have whispered to Frank in the dark, and he’s kissed those words right out of their mouths. He loves them, too, in the dark. Sometimes in the light. But in that moment, it’s never a lie, even if it starts to feel like one later.
Comments: 5
Kudos: 24





	middles

**Author's Note:**

> i have a lot of feelings about frank from _endings, beginnings_ , and this barely even scratched the surface.

Frank knows what other people think of him, and it’s not that he doesn’t care, not quite. He does care what other people think, certainly more than he’d like to. But even in spite of that, he’s not going to change. He fucking can’t. This is all he knows how to be, and no matter what anyone says, he’s doing his fucking best.

He loves women. He _loves_ women, and he won’t apologize for that. Maybe it’s because he never knew his dad, but he just doesn’t relate well to other men. There’s Jack, and then no one else, not really. And honestly, it’s starting to feel like Jack is just tolerating him because they’ve been friends so long, like they grew up and became totally separate guys with no overlapping interests except the history they’ve shared up to this point. Frank wonders how long you can sustain a friendship based on only that. Maybe not so much longer.

Men don’t get him, but women love him. They love how vulnerable he can be, and he loves that, too. And he loves making them feel good. He loves crowding up in a woman’s space and looking her right in the eyes until it feels like they can see inside each other. He loves putting his hands on a woman’s face to pull her close when they’re kissing. He’s so fucking easy for a pretty smile and a sharp sense of humor, and nothing, _nothing_ feels like making a girl feel good. Nothing feels like taking a girl to pieces with his mouth until she’s trembling and cursing, fingers scratching at his scalp and pulling his hair, her heels digging into his shoulders, her thighs clamping down around his face as she spasms helplessly beneath his tongue. He’s not good for much, maybe, but he’s always been good at this.

 _I love you_ , so many girls have whispered to him in the dark, and he’s kissed those words right out of their mouths. He loves them, too, in the dark. Sometimes in the light. But in that moment, it’s never a lie, even if it starts to feel like one later.

He isn’t friends with too many guys, but he isn’t exactly friends with too many girls, either. It’s always just Jack, lending him money, giving him a couch to crash on, and then whatever girl he’s seeing at the time. He loves the feeling of being with someone, of having someone think of him first. He craves intimacy, needs someone to be weak and naked for, and the only way he knows to get it is by sleeping with someone, and that’s fine. He’s had a lot of really, really good sex, and he’s gotten off a lot of women, and no one’s ever complained in the moment.

He needs too much, maybe. He doesn’t have a lot of people, so he needs a lot from the people he has, and they’re not always so willing to give that much. Or if they are, they can’t sustain it. He consumes them until there’s nothing left, but he’s always still so fucking hungry for more.

Maybe he should just get married. Maybe the next girl he meets and likes, maybe he should just marry her. He thinks he’d be able to make it work with just about anyone if she was nice and interesting and into him. If they could just become each other’s entire goddamn world. Maybe he just has to choose a girl and marry her, and then she won’t get tired of him. Won’t move on and say she needs a real relationship with a real adult with a real job. Maybe if he marries someone, she’ll stay.

He wonders. He wonders how many things he would have to change about himself to convince someone he was worth having a baby with. He wonders how many things to convince _himself_ that he wouldn’t fuck it up.

He isn’t afraid of much. He _worries_ , of course. His insecurity is boundless, but he finds ways to tamp it down and pretend he’s confident. But he doesn’t have too much genuine fear. Really, he just doesn’t want to turn into his old man. Doesn’t want to be someone bitter and alone, someone you can’t depend on, someone who would abandon his family. He never met the man, but from the stories he’s heard, that was a blessing more than anything. He was a bad man, and sometimes, Frank wonders if he’s got poison in his own blood, if he was cursed before he was ever even here. And he wonders if a man like him deserves to be a father to anyone else.

He can change. He hasn’t yet, not even when he’s really tried. But he can. He has to eventually.

Sometimes, when everything gets loud and shitty in his head, he just gets in his car and drives. He loves that car, and he loves the endlessness of the coastline, how a man could just drive for days and move the whole time without ever actually getting anywhere. The sunset over the water is like a promise. Nothing is permanent. Everything is a cycle. He hasn’t ruined everything. He _hasn’t_.

He’s made bad choices. He’s hurt people. He’s hurt himself.

And yet…

He might still be get to be happy someday.

**Author's Note:**

> if you like reading little things based on sebastian stan movies, i have also written about [destroyer](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17555453) and [the last full measure](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22413361).


End file.
